随笔065-无名的two cents

I totally agree that marriage IS all about compromise. Sometimes we may even wonder where the sweet love we used to have went. None of that seems to remain after years of marriage. All we are doing day after day is endless tolerance. But then, 20 or 30 or 40 years later, or even longer than that, we realize that the compromise itself was love we've been seeking for, deeper than the romance we had at the very begining, for without that no couple could walk through worst days hand in hand. I am not there yet.

As for my 2 cents on your case, it surely would help if you talk to the boyfriend ahead of time and come to a kind of agreement with him. But my experience said such agreement might not last once the couple become a family. A good example is how easily we forget about our wedding vows when we are in conflicts. I can die for my hubby, but I can not bear with his not taking a shower before going to bed! So yeh, just as C said, "love is not just a feeling, it is a decision. A decision to make it work no matter what." This man may remain unchanged, do you not love him because he has this problem? Or are you determined to love him no matter what? If you are determined, make sure you are aware what it takes - life-long compromise. We exercise love by that means. If love were an easy task, and anyone could do it easily, it wouldn't be as valuable and meaningful.

Yes, it's all about love. Believe it or not, I often think it's easier to love an enemy than a spouse, because we do not live with our enemies every day.

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歌儿按：歌友会的朋友们大部分跟我一样是无名的忠实读者。她这阵子闭关去了，一直没更新博客，相信大家和我一样都对她非常想念。

很难得我今天在网上抓住了她，借着追问阿小J的生日party的事情跟她聊了会儿。借着这个生日party又顺便探讨了一下前两天PP在幸福花里问过的那个问题，具体的内容我就不转贴过来了。不过无名送了上面那一段'two cents'给我，并且批准我张贴在我的博客，借此作为筹码，让我转告一下三丰子，她最近看了本好书，叫做《佐贺的超级阿嬷》。她没写读后感，所以我既然传了这个话，就等着三丰子读完了给咱上读后感吧。:) 当然了，她之所以想到跟三丰子推荐这本书，是因为我把三丰子在阿小葛博客提到她最近看的那本书当传话筒给传过去了，无名这是投桃报李。至于那本书是什么，不知道的可以等三丰子来解答。

无名的two cents来源于她给一个朋友博客的回复。我不太知道人家是否同意转载，就不擅自提供链接了。大家别怪我。

另外给关心无名的朋友上一段她自己对最近生活的小结：看了一些好书，走了一些地方，识了一些朋友，想了一些事情，懂了一些道理。

听起来还不错，大家不要太惦记了。